Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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