Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
