moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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