after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize