The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
