She is in my trunk
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
