Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize