Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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