if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
