I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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