I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
