Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
