I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
