he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
