Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
