this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
