I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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