yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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