I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
