trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
