So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
