He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
