You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
