She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize