Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
50% drunk capacity currently
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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