Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My vagina is officially offended.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize