Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
