i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
