i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Randomize
