Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
