oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
