The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
