Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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