consequently i now know what mace tastes like
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
this is an emotional support booty call
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
