My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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