He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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