Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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