I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize