I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
