I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
