I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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