I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He has the fingertips of a God
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
