Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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