dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
