all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
bring money and cleavage
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
