he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
