Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
