please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
