I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
