Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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