Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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