I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
