The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
