the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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