had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
