There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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