Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
