dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
