She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
