She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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