im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
