I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
