I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
whose parrot is this?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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