But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
