8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
