We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
