I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
