Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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